I've been playing around with polymer clay. It's fun. Fun isn't enough to keep my interest. I need a challenge. I made it more interesting by adding a sexual element. I put a penis in the center of my clay cane design. It isn't even noticeable when I stretch the cane really small to make small flower petals. I like knowing it's there. I wore the flower earrings I made out to lunch and it made me smile. I love penises. They are really interesting to me. The multifunctional aspect is very intriguing. The variety the come in is fun to see. Then there is the power of such a delicate organ. If someone gets kicked in the penis and scrotum they double over instantly. I was taught harm coming it the area was the best was to subvert an attack from a penis carrying person. I was also taught to fear those who have penises. They were stereotyped to be unable to control themselves if their penis wants something or really someone. When I was young the thought of an attack from a penis crazed man frightened me. At 50, I know people just aren't that uniform. Sure, there are those who use their delicate penis, accompanied by the force of physical strength or the force of mental manipulation, as a weapon. But the vast majority are just looking for a willing sexual partner. Now I find that balance between desire and respecting someone's bodily autonomy interesting. I am attracted to those with penises. So far, all have been cis men but I wouldn't discount any attraction I felt for someone who wasn't a cis man. I don't want to have a penis. I love having my vagina. I just find myself very interested in exploring them. They have always interested me but I used to be afraid if I showed interest I would be required to do a sexual act with the owner. Which brings me to what is on my mind. I was taught to fear my interest in penises. I cannot be the only person born with a uterus who loves penises but was taught this fear. When I was a teenage girl and young adult woman my sexual growth was stunted by this fear. Instead of a healthy exploration I jumped into a marriage with a nonaggressive man who was my age but less mature and spent the last 30 years taking care of him and our children. Now at 50 I want to explore but feel restricted by my age. My sexual growth is new but my body is old. Painting is the avenue used to explore my interest. There are lots of people willing to let me paint their penis and I love painting them. Young men are the most eager to share. It feels intimate as I explore all of the different characteristics but it's not real intimacy. It feels a little predatory to be looking at penis of young people the same age as my children. But they are adults, as they like to remind me when I express hesitation. Their generation just seems to lack the prudish expectation that was taught to my generation. I find they are also more open about being attracted to fat women. Men my generation tend to be seeking a secret fat side piece while being married to a skinny woman. Not all men my age are this way but it seems to be more common than in the younger men. Many of the younger men don't even comprehend the idea of hiding their attractions. I hope the trend continues that direction. Being more open and allowing people to be themselves could prevent a lot of people from losing decades of happiness because they got trapped living lives based on lies. Being truthful may cause a moment of pain but it will spare a person from years of pain. Each little penis earring or pendant I make is a protest to the years of pain I suffered with a man who did not appreciate me and the lies we lived. Each penis I paint is an opportunity for me to feel normal in my attraction to penises. I want to thank everyone who has shared their penis with me. Please don't share your penis with those who don't request it, not everyone wants to see it. But I have enjoyed every one I have been sent. And I love creating art about them. Thank you!
The original form of the cane
Stretched cane to different sizes and the first flower I made with it. It isn't perfect but not bad.
Me wearing the first quality flower I made with the penis cane. I wore these out to lunch and it made me smile knowing there were tiny little penises on the petals
A tear drop version of the penis cane earrings with a more obvious penis. I rigged it to wear for the picture and need to get some jewelry making supplies to finish it.
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