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Drop and Squeeze, Tucked
Drop and Squeeze and Tucked were exhibited together in September 2025. I painted both of them during the summer of 2025.
Drop was an old painting that stalled and I lost interest in completing a year ago. To prepare for teaching a class that addressed impasto, I decided to practice painting with impasto medium on the old unfinished piece. The impasto gave the piece new life that motivated me to finish the painting. Playing with the impasto was fun and provides literal new dimension to the self-portrait.
After finishing Drop and Squeeze, I was trying to figure out what to do with the edges. They had the remnants of my previous plans and I didn't think about covering them while playing with the impasto. They seemed unprofessional but I didn't want to cover them. I was feeling connected to the unprofessional look after being told repeatedly that I am unprofessional in recent months. It felt important to honor that feeling in this painting of my breasts and belly. I let the edges sit unaddressed for days while I worked on Tucked, the portrait of my friend James. Working on his portrait inspired me to pick up a black sharpie and write on the black paint. The black on black makes seeing what I wrote very difficult to see unless the light hits the letters just right. Trying to twist and turn my head to see what I wrote was wonderfully frustrating. It reminded me of how people often look at me. My intentions can be difficult to see without the right lighting and a willingness to engage actively with a desire to understand me. To provide another opportunity to see and understand me and the painting, I hid the words in second location, under the piece of paper displaying the title and details. Tucked was still wet when I was installing the work and I got some paint on my hand which led to me added a thumb print as an invitation to lift the paper. I don't know if anyone chose to lift and look.
Tucked is a painting of my friend, James. We met on a subreddit for sharing BBW nudes about 3 years ago. We've never met in person. I wrote about why I chose to paint this pose on a piece of paper and hung it next to the painting. I used cursive handwriting to require anyone who wants to know the story to invest more than a passing moment in front of his portrait.
I am honestly not interested in a passive audience that is unwilling to invest more than a moment in my work -especially when I am sharing my friend who gave himself to me and my audience. I am not judging them. They just aren't the appropriate audience for my work. Their lack of investment leaves them with a meaningless shell gratuitous nudes.
James was also kind enough to write a response to what I wrote about him. I hand wrote his words on a piece of paper and hung it with my note.
During the exhibit I offered the opportunity to give me feedback on the work.
This activity does two things. If helps me understand if my work is reaching an audience that is willing to invest time into viewing the work and it provides those who may feel uncomfortable with my work, but want to invest in viewing it, something else to focus on while they take it in.
I understand that the work can give some people overwhelming feelings. Having a piece of paper and a writing utensil helps me deal with being overwhelmed so that is what I offer my audience.
In the instructions for commenting I warned the participants that I would be reading the comments and posting the video online.
Thank you to those who took the time to share their views. I enjoyed reading them.
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