Nature was my pathway to becoming a painter. It was a benign subject that people liked. It was an acceptable subject in my religious family. It was a way to justify spending money to make art because people were more likely to hang it in their home or office. 

The flowers, bees and other critters were my friends. They let me spend time with them without asking me to doing anything. I took care of them but it wasn't because they were going to cause problems in my life if I didn't. Taking care of them made me feel peace instead of anxiety. By painting them I was painting portraits of my friends.

I spent years painting flowers in acrylic developing my ability to manipulate paint. I was also volunteering at my local community theatre during this time as a scenic artist. All the hours of practice greatly improved my skills. I am thankful for the time I spent with nature and using these bold colors. It gave me happiness at a time when I struggled to find it.

I haven't painted any nature in several years. I think it was partly an act of protest of the notion only art that will sell is worth spending money and time to create. Now that I have a collection of work I enjoy but that many people who never hang in their home or office, I think about adding nature back into my work just because I want to spend time with nature again.

There are similarities to how I handled finding folds and veins in petals and leaves and how I find the folds and veins of a dick. I am curious how the hours of practice painting dicks will affect the way I paint a flower or bee. I am not the same painter I was then. My skills have improved and so has my mental state.

I no longer escape into the paint to avoid the way others treat me. I escape into the paint because I want to paint. My subjects are still my friends but now my friends can acknowledge me and respond to my questions.