Dick Pics

After decades of decreasing self-esteem, I explored finding those who are attracted to me on the internet. I found an abundance of kindness and felt attractive for the first time in a long time.

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During our exchanges I asked permission to use the dick pics they sent me (with my permission) as sources for paintings. I wanted to spend time exploring the details of the these representations of their attraction.  

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Growing up as a shy child in a religious family I was delayed in my understanding of sex and taught to fear the penis. I was too busy working and taking care of younger siblings to have fun as a teenager and properly explore my sexuality.

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I married the first man to give me longterm attention and defined my sexual desires by his. I was fully committed to him -to a fault. After breaking my fixation on trying to build a healthy relationship with a person who simply did not want what I wanted, I was able to explore my love of the penis. 

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I am fascinated by the variety of color, size, shape and reactions of penises. I enjoy getting to know the people who send me these dick pics. They aren't the villains I had been warned they are. They are people who have a socially taboo was of expressing their attraction to another. I have found this type of expression to be very common and question the classification of a welcome dick pic as taboo.

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I think it is normal to want to share such a visually reactive body respond to those who want to see it. Although there are predators that use their penis to harm, dubbing a very normal sexual response, from those who aren't predators, as harmful is very destructive. I creates shame and fear where there is nothing to be ashamed of or to fear. It disrupts a person's ability to trust their instincts and build connections.

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By spending time with the penises of my friends to find a representation of them in paint I am resetting my ability to trust my instincts and build connections. I am letting go of the unnatural restrictions my religious upbringing implanted in me to hinder my ability to sexually express myself.

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I often don't see the faces of the people who send me dick pics. I don't require them. I do enjoy when they choose to let me see them.

I understand the risk they take in showing me their face. 

I understand the risk they take in sharing their name.

I understand the risk they take in giving me access to their real lives.

I don't mind them not taking those risks.

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As I study their penis,

I think about how they make me feel. 

I think about what they share with me.

I think about their generosity and kindness.

They build my ability to trust myself and others. 

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