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Pornography Installation

Instagram live February 12, 2025
In 2020 I started painting self-portraits on 62" x 23" boards. 62" is my height. 23" is my width with my hands at my sides. In the fall of 2024, I made 3 more me-size boards to make new self-portraits. After the U.S. presidential election in November I felt betrayed by the young men I met online that had helped build up my self-esteem over the last 5 years. You can read about them here.
It wasn't that they had said anything about voting against my rights, or my children's, I just felt like young men had been selfish in voting for someone they knew would cause harm to so many. It made me question the friendships I had developed online. It made me feel like all I was to them was a sexual object. A tit. A slit. 
Tit
62" x 23"
oil on board
Slit
62" x23"
oil on board
These self-portraits became the central piece in my pornography installation in The Link Gallery in Champaign, Illinois in February, 2025. As I painted these two, I thought about the quick judgement I made of young American men after the election. I thought about social media and pornography and my connections to men. I thought about how we view others; in-person, online, direct knowledge, indirect knowledge, assumptions...
I thought about how Tit/Slit would be received and how to present it for viewing. The most appropriate way seemed to be holding the viewer accountable. 
I placed a webcam, that was focused on the viewer, between the two paintings. I placed a chair for the viewer to spend time looking at Tit/Slit. Next to the chair I place a table, a lamp, lotion and a box of tissues.

Testing the webcam during installation. I'm wearing my very comfy 'clown' pants. At least that's what I call them. They are super stretchy and soft. I stayed up very late, all night really, and those pants made me want to snuggle up and sleep.
This process of exhausting myself, causing myself pain, felt necessary. It felt appropriate to put everything I could into this installation.
When I left at 5:30 am I saw bunnies outside the building. I connected with seeing them using the quiet of the dark early morning to get their business done. It felt saver and allowed for more freedom to explore.

Tit and Slit looked better flipped but Slit/Tit didn't sound as good as Tit/Slit so I kept them titled Tit/Slit. I also like the time someone might need to connect the images with the slang term. 
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Tit/Slit
Oil on 2 -62"x23" me-size boards
Brown package paper, webcam
In the process of restricting the view, to protect the public from accidentally being seen on the webcam, I created a small room with rolling walls. This room felt like a private viewing room where a person could be alone with my nudes but the webcam violates that privacy requiring the viewer to decide if they want to be watched. 
Tit/Slit, the webcam, computer and the chair were all I originally intended to be in the installation but the piece grew.
The walls created a small alley that faced windows that looked out over a court yard. It also created a lovely empty space. I decided to add some self-portraits and dick pic paintings to the alley.
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May I Call You Cum Dumpster? Making Friends Online

Oil on paper, map pins

At night a reflection appeared providing an transparent echo-gallery. Standing just inside the back entrance to the installation created a coupling of Slit inside the viewing room with May I Call You Cum Dumpster alley.
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Pornography Is Normal, 2025

Copy paper, highlighter, sharpie, dissection pins

On the walls facing out into the gallery, where I had the computer to view the webcam before entering, I added shallow research on pornography and obscenity.

Obscenity: A Popularity Contest, 2025

Googled text, handwritten text, highlighter, sharpie, dissection pins, webcam view of viewer, debris

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I placed an opportunity for feedback in the space inside the protective walls but outside the webcam room.
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Love/Hate Notes, 2025

Heart shaped boxes, card stock, writing utensils… notes from gallery visitors?

After the November 2024 election I grabbed a chunk of clay and formed a twisted mass that represented how I felt about America. I decided to include the resulting sculpture in my pornography installation -on a pedestal at the rear entrance. I made a plaster pillow for it to sit on. I sprayed painted the pillow and peeled pieces of the paint off, leaving a mess on the pedestal. 
Around 4 am, while scooting the pedestal with the sculpture on it, I broke it. I was tired from working into the night. I was being lazy. I chose not to sit the sculpture to the side before moving the pedestal. Instead I tried to scoot it with the top heavy sculpture sitting on it. It tipped over and broke in two pieces. I was too tired to get upset. The resulting fractured representation of America produced by my exhausted laziness felt appropriate. I placed the broken piece on the pillow and left it in the installation. Feeling like I should present America more proudly, I placed it on a box spray painted gold.
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An American Portrait, 2025

Clay, plaster, spray paint, golden box

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I placed signs at both entrances of the installation warning viewers of the active webcam and requiring them to step over an orange line before entering.
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After the exhibit opened

While the installation was on display I wrote on the printed research with sharpie and marked them with highlighter.  
These marks were intended to establish my presence for the viewers of the installation. The location of the exhibit was a place where people hang out. I hoped seeing changes to my installation indicated I was regularly interacting with the installation and would receive their notes in a timely manner. 

I also added personal details about my positive experiences with pornography and gave the viewers and opportunity to share what porn means to them.
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The research wall and the Love/Hate notes are a real world post and comment section that echo the social media posts that helped me find self-worth. My 'posts' are my paintings, sculpture, shallow research and invitations to engage. I provided paper and pencils for the viewer to physically write down their comments instead of typing them into their phone. I worried no one would respond because I've been told repeatedly viewers don't want to work. It made me happy so many people took the time to write down a response and engage with the opportunities to interact. I appreciate every response and wanted to make something with the notes. I turned the notes into tissue paper flowers. If I had the idea ahead of time I would have provided an easier paper to turn into a flower. The stiff card stock was awkward to incorporate into the soft tissue paper but I enjoyed figuring it out and their strangeness draws me in. I love to spread them open, reread them and squeeze them closed again.

The art world has changed. It hasn't settled into a new routine path to definitive 'success' as an artist but I am optimistic about the direction it is heading. When I was young gatekeepers had a tight grip on the ability for artists to show their work. People who wanted to make or see work that the gatekeepers didn't like had few options to find each other. Social media has changed art access. Some people see this change as a bad thing. They see the old way the art world worked as a way to percolate only the finest work to top. I see it as wealthy people controlling what is allowed to be represented as art in order to restrict access, limit availability to drive the price up and profit from the system. Art that did not fit the gatekeepers taste had the opportunity to be seen as art by being labeled as outsider art. Calling these artists outsiders is accurate but the label was only required because of the exclusive system. Exclusiveness is intended to control dissent and new ideas and create profit for people who don't do the work. I prefer the messy abundance social media provides.

Now the lines of what is art are blurred and I love it. I prefer to have an abundance of options from which to choose rather than having a few gatekeeper approved options. Since social media opened access I have seen a lot of wonderful artwork that the old system would have never allow me to access.

There are still issues with censorship and the ability for artists to consistently make a living wage. The old system had inconsistent censorship and didn't provide consistent income either. At least now it is up to individuals to find what they appreciate and build their own communities.

Crossing between social media and real world exhibitions, as two separate entities, can be challenging. Trying to include both as part of my research and artwork is requiring experimentation. I am want to make interactive work that can be equally appreciated online or in-person. I don't have control of either audience but the online audience is more likely to read warnings and be prepared for the unexpected.

During the installation exhibit an issue was brought up that my signage was not clear enough or big enough to warn people of the use of a web cam. During the development stage I thought about having people sign a consent form before entering but I was told the warning signs were sufficient. I added additional large obnoxious signs in response to the complaint but was not required to do so.

No one required me to post signs warning of the nudity.
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Lovely Tribute, 2025

Notes from visitors, tissue paper, floral wire

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Extending the Deviance
Toward the end of the exhibit, at the same time that I added the opportunity to answer the question, "What is porn to you?", I added a sculpture to the viewing room. I waited to add this sculpture because it changes the installation. The sculpture labels a viewer who sat in the chair as a deviant. I placed it on the table next to the chair where the viewer sits. It defines the meaning of the lotion and tissues, provided throughout the exhibition, as lubricant and cum catcher. This definition assigns a penis to the viewer.
Prior to adding this sculpture my viewer was intended to feel watched. After adding it they were intended to feel uncomfortably watched. While exploring my self-esteem online I have enjoyed being watched and felt uncomfortable with the experience. What defines that experience is rarely in my control. When I let go of trying to have control I feel more comfortable. The world is full of opportunities. When we try to control every aspect of our lives we miss out on taking advantage of experiences we did not conceive of ourselves. This sculpture is intended to disrupt control.
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Captivating Tribute, 2025

Inkjet copies, tissues, resin, mica powder, glitter

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