Guess what, I’m fat.
In a society where the evaluation of being a valued person is heavily in favor of thin people, I’ve dealt with some fat haters. I don’t appreciate derogatory comments about fat. As a matter of fact, I have strong opinions against the use of fat hate speech in any form. I don’t like it when fat people insult themselves or other fat people. I don’t like it when formerly fat people insult currently fat people or their past selves, as if they were less worthy of respect when they carried more fat on the same body they currently praise. I certainly don’t like it when people who have never been defined as fat have any opinion on fatness at all. It isn’t their experience to comment about.
Fat hate speech serves no good purpose and causes harm- It’s abuse, that’s why it is hate speech. It doesn’t improve relationships. It doesn’t motivate fat people. It doesn’t improve health. As a matter of fact people have been killed by fat hate speech caused suicide. Parents have starved their children and inflicted physical and psychological damage because of their hatred of fat. Many people, like myself, are fatter than they would have been because of fat hate.
The fact is our society’s obsession with thinness is unhealthy. The idea that fat is bad is a mass delusion created by marketing campaigns, and is not based science. In reality there are a wide variety of people. Not only do we have different talents and different weaknesses but we also come in a very wide variety of sizes and builds. Our bodies actually need fat. Different bodies need different amounts of fat. Different bodies carry fat differently. Our bodies use our fat in different ways with differing health impacts.
My body stores fat really well. Other people’s bodies burn fat really well. It isn’t that one is better than the other. They are just different. It may mean I would fare better in a famine while a fat burning body would be better suited for conditions that require a quick burn system. It means I am more likely to carry more fat than they are. That’s it. It does not mean they are a better person than me. It does not mean they are healthier than me. Having fat is never the reason someone is sick. How a person’s body uses fat can make them sick but that cannot be determined by outward appearance. Health issues blamed on fat can be found in people who have never been defined as fat. Most fat people live long lives just like most thin people. Some fat people have health issues just like some thin people. A person’s health cannot be determined by outward appearance -neither can a cat’s.
A dear friend of mine expressed to me that he was not going to allow his cat to become a “little fat ass.” It hurt me. I quite literally have a fat ass. He did not consider that his comment might hurt me. The worst thing he could think of for his cat was for him to be fat. My friend is quite thin but had never expressed an anti-fat attitude to me before. I tried to give him the opportunity to see a fat cat as loveable but he was emphatically against it. He felt his indoor, still growing, adolescent kitten was gaining weight too quickly and needed to go on a diet. I don’t know if he consulted is veterinarian because that’s not how he presented the situation to me. He didn’t say 'my vet thinks my cat is gaining weight too quickly so we changed his diet.’ He said his cat was not going to be a “little fat ass.”
I’m not writing this to embarrass my friend, that's why I didn’t use any identifiers. 99.9% of the time I felt like I could trust him. I’m writing this because I want to explain how derogatory comments about fat change relationships and a lot people I know don’t think fat comments are a big deal. That .1% moment broke my trust in my friend. His visceral fear of his cat becoming fat made me question what he thought of me, a fat person. He can’t take it back. I can’t trust his compliments about my appearance because he used a purposely derogatory phrase that could be (and has been) used to insult me. If you don’t want to hurt your relationships reconsider your comments against fat. Think about what you are saying and empathize with those around you. You choose the words you use and those words show others who you are and want to be. Sometimes you can apologize and make it better but sometimes it is too hurtful to be able to trust you again.
I know people feel like everything they say is constantly policed these days. I’m not saying you can’t make derogatory comments about fat. That’s really up to you. I am saying that when you do, it defines how people see you -just like being fat defines me in this fat hating world. You can choose to hide or correct your hate speech. I am fat. It is who I am. Trying to change that only made me fatter. I’m not going to let a scale define my self-worth anymore. I’m not going to pretend like baggy clothes hide my fat anymore. I’m not going to accept derogatory fat comments in my life anymore, even when not directed at me.
I’m trying to learn to love myself. I don’t need people I can’t trust working against me.
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