My website was down for a while. The three years I had pre-paid expired and I was trying to decide if It was worth keeping a website. In the meantime, I was accepted into graduate school and started focusing on getting moved to another state for the first time in my life. I moved last weekend and am officially living by myself for the first time in over 30 years. Well, my 17 year old kitty is with me. I am very excited about my new journey ahead!
I have president Biden to thank for my new life. At the end of last year my student loans from the 1990s were forgiven by the Biden administration. I have wanted to go to graduate school since I received my BFA in 2020 but the overwhelming weight of that old debt made me feel like I couldn't. $120,000 of the debt was interest. I never defaulted and followed the advice of my loan servicer. I am not the only one who ended up in that situation. The system just wasn't set up for students. It was set up for investors in the companies that make money off students borrowing money.
I am incredibly grateful to president Biden for reviewing these old loans and giving me the opportunity to move forward in my life. I am thankful to Bernie Sanders for pushing the democrat party toward a more progressive view on student loans. I am hopeful vice president Harris will win in November and will be able to continue to help students instead of wealthy investors. A lawsuit from my former state of Missouri may prevent her from helping students pay for the education they need and deserve. That lawsuit represents what I think is wrong with the mindset of republican politicians. While people are feeling the extreme burden of a loan system that makes it nearly impossible to escape unless you are wealthy, they are hyper-focused on maintaining profits for people who have more money than they can use in their lifetimes. I can't fathom living with the cruelty of their greed. It seems they have no compassion for people trying to get an education and contribute to society in the best way they can.
After my loans were forgiven I had a small window to apply to graduate school for the fall semester. Thanks to my wonderful former instructors, Sarah, Sean and Jina, at Missouri State University responding to my request for letters of recommendations during their winter break I was able to complete my application on time. Between applying and finding out I was accepted I assumed I would not be accepted. It wasn't because I did't think I deserved to be accepted or wouldn't be a good student. It felt too right. It felt like getting into grad school would give me what I needed... a future I cared about. It had been a very long time since I had a future I cared about living toward. I hadn't felt loved or appreciated in my marriage for decades. I finished raising my kids and they are building lives of their own. My ideal future is supporting myself in some kind of art related job. Graduate school gives me that opportunity.
I have no expectation to make money off my artwork. I've always struggled with the idea of selling my work. The added expectation of the buyer's desires blocks my ability to create. When I make what I want I have more ideas than I can possibly complete. Getting a graduate degree opens up job opportunities in the arts that take the pressure off me to sell my work to support myself. It also gives me the opportunity to learn how to find the right audience for my work. I am not against selling my work. It just can't be my goal when I create.
Some people think an art degree is a waste of time. My grandpa, who made his living as a sign painter and received a BFA through the GI Bill, told me an art degree was a waste of my time. My long journey to living as an artist, regardless of whether I can support myself from my art, was due to the lack of support. I was always meant to be an artist but wasted a lot of time trying to get myself to like something else; something that would make money; lots of money. Not because I wanted a bunch of money but because I was taught I have to make a bunch of money before I can justify being an artist. Being a mom became my focus because I love that job equally to creating and it was respected by the people around me. I tried to quit art many times because I felt guilty for wanting to spend money and time creating. I did a lot of crafts with my kids in search of a worthy outlet. I volunteered painting sets for my local community theatre because it was an acceptable outlet. I fully enjoyed those things but I wish I didn't feel like being an artist was a burden on my family. Accepting it is who I am and who I have always been has helped my self-worth and allowed me to create my best work so far.
I'm looking forward to spending the next 3 years focused on art as I earn my MFA. I don't know where I'll end up past that but I know I'm finally headed in the right direction.
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